Advanced Colonics of Orange County - Colon hydrotherapy with reflexology for digestion help
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Poop Nerd -- Answers to Questions about Gut Health and Digestive Issues

How to Cure Your Hemorrhoids Fast

Dear Happy Crapper,

My hemorrhoids are killing me. I'm always miserable and in pain. I feel like I sat on a Rhino's horn. It's bad. I tried all the products in the store and none of them work. Doctors have told me that the only solution is surgery. That sounds even more horrible than my butt being impaled on a wrought iron fence. Is there any way I can get rid of these recurring roids? 

Butt Hertz

Dear Hertz,

You can heal your hemorrhoids naturally without surgery. Here's the fastest way to do it:

Buy these three items:

1 jar of TUCKS (cloth pads that are soaked in witch hazel)
1 box of KEY-E Vitamin E suppositories.
1 bottle of Intestinal Movement Formula made by Health Force Nutritionals

Put TUCKS & Vitamin E in the fridge, and let them chill.

At night before you go to sleep. insert 1 vitamin E suppository into your bottom. The vitamin E will heal the irritated area.

THEN place a gauze TUCK pad where the pain is at the anus, which will reduce the inflammation and itching. (do not use internally!) 

Take 7 Intestinal Movement Formula pills (they are very mild and will help you move smoothly. The are NOT laxatives or herbal colon cleansers or stool softeners. They just help your colon have a full and easy bowel movement without straining. 

Never push or strain when you have a bowel movement! 
Do not lift anything HEAVY while your hemmys are healing. Keep this regimen up until they're gonna and your healed. 

Trust works!!! 

The Happy Crapper