Dear Poop Nerd,
Sometimes I eat a few bites of food and my stomach blow up. It sticks out and gets rock hard, and it grosses me out. My gut bulges out of the top of my pants and if I try to squash it down with a spanks type under gear (the kind that smashes your gut bulge down so it doesn't jiggle under your clothes) -- it hurts crazy bad. If I wear wet suit surfing, I look like a penguin that ate a sea lion. Would a colonic help deflate my balloon gut?
Blown Outta Proportion
Dear Happy Crapper,
My husband used to be insanely hot--WHEN he was my boyfriend. But now, after we've been married for fifteen years, he looks like he is 9 months pregnant. He acts like it doesn't bother him, but I know he just doesn't want to deal with the fact that unlike me, who got rid of my big fat stomach by giving birth to a baby--not a FOOD BABY, an ACTUAL BABY--my husband still looks like he's ready to give birth any minute. No matter what he does, he cant get rid of that big round hard-as-a-rock stomach, no matter how many times he works out at the gym and how many crunches he does.